Bulent

Well, folks, I don't know what to say. I went out with Bulent tonight who really did turn out to be a really nice guy. I came home from work, took my make up off and was preparing to have a nice time just watching the tube and relaxing. At about 8 p.m., Bulent called me by surprise and said he was in my area and asked me if I wanted to meet up with him for drinks. Being the lazy piece of crap that I am, I first said no. Then I thought, "oh, what the hell", and I slapped on some make up, got dressed and met him. He turned out to be a nice person but the conversation didn't exactly flow in my opinion nor was I attracted to him all that much - which is not to say that he wasn't attractive. But I just wasn't feeling it, if ya know what I mean. We talked about religion (he is an atheist and I'm spiritual/agnostic). We didn't quite agree with each other about the subject matter. I had to bring up the age issue as well. On his profile he said that his ideal match would be between 25 to 35. He is 43. Come on! How many woman out there at the age of 20-something are even interested in a guy in his 40's? I said, "Bulent, I am 6 years older than your cut-off age. How do you feel being with me knowing that I'm in my 40s?" He answered that question diplomatically by not really answering it at all. Men are just odd creatures that I don't quite seem to understand. But here's the part where we agreed on an issue that made me think that maybe this guy is for me: He doesn't believe in getting married and that marriage is what kills most relationships. I don't know if it was that statement or the Coronas I was drinking that made him suddenly more attractive to me. Like me, he likes being in an exclusive relationship that need not necessarily lead to marriage. My God! Have I met the man of my dreams after all? I get up at 5:30 in morning and told him that it was getting late and that I really needed to start heading home. He said, "do you really feel like wrapping things up?". I had to because I need sleep to function at work. But truthfully, I did not feel as though we had much chemistry. I think that I will see him again since he and I did get along okay. But "okay" was all that it was. Anyway, I'm glad that we hung out together for a short while and sucked down some cold brews. He kissed me on the cheek and off I went. It was a pleasant evening minus any fireworks. I loved that he was so honest in his answering my questions (except the age thing). I never got the impression that he was trying hard to impress me (which impresses me). So we shall see if the next "date" is less awkward for me. God damn this dating crap is so complicated!!

Another Try

Okay. So I had a nice conversation tonight with another guy I met from Turkish Personals. He lives nearby, so I'm likely to have a drink or two with him sometime this week. Actually I am drinking a Dos Equis as I write this so forgive me for any typos. I am slightly buzzed and I feel really relaxed right now. For the sake of anonymity I won't mention his name (Bulent). We had the usual chit chat that you would have during that first phone conversation like where are you from, where do work, have you ever been convicted of a crime/felony, etc... He seemed to be a very nice person. I strangely felt uncomfortable when he brought up the Armenian issue, even though we are on the same team regarding this issue. He was very passionate about it and I really wasn't. The topic just drains the crap out of me because I hear enough about the issue from Armenians and they often lead to my feeling exasperated. This part of the conversation went on longer than I hoped. So I changed the subject to music which he really got into. Whew! As it turns out, he is a drummer. The downside was that he doesn't have an appreciation for Springteen, whom I love. I still believe that I can convert him to being a die hard fan. We talked about our (bad) experiences on Turkish personals and how people lie on their profiles. This guy seemed to be genuine and sincere. The best part is that he lives a mile away from so we can get together and see if there is any chemistry. Anyway, if things don't work out, I have Hans waiting in the wings. Either way, I win. Thanks, Hans

Reach Up and Touch the Sky

That's what you want to do when you attend a Southside Johnny concert. It also happens to be the name of one of his songs. We were lucky enough to get tickets to one of his shows next weekend and I can't wait. I can't wait to hear his soulful voice and that amazing horns section of his band. They will be playing out at BB Kings which is a fairly small venue.

I fell in love with this band back in the early 80's when he was playing pretty often down the Jersey shore at the Stone Pone and the Fast Lane. He has a gift when it comes to engaging his audience and having you feel like you are part of the band.

It's not uncommon for him to have other well known artists appear at his gigs. In fact, Springsteen has shown up in the past. So has Miami Steve Van Zandt (you may know him from the Sopranos). Ronnie Spector has also shown up as has Nils Lofgren.

I was talking to friend of mine who is my age and we discussing how nights out like this one makes us feel younger. I've spent most of my life going to see live bands. There really is something about it that takes you back in time, if even for a short while. So next weekend, I will be lost in his music. If only that feeling could last.

Simple Minds

I'm sure that most you have seen bumper stickers or T-shirts that read "mean people suck". They are sold just about everywhere in the Tri-State area which is where I live. Mean people really do suck; they have a chip on their shoulder and they just wait for the opportunity to try and ruin someones day or at least give it their best shot.

Each one us is responsible for our own happiness. It's not up to the rest of the world to accommodate these jerks. If we take issue with something or someone, we may or may not take it up with the person with whom we disagree, then we move on. That's what a relatively normal person would do. But not these nut jobs. They want to beat a dead horse until their never ending hostility is heard by all. They continue on relentlessly and have no interest in hearing what others have to say or (God forbid) feel. They are deranged and personality disordered. Therefore, it is pointless in trying to engage them in an adult conversation. And why? Because it all about them. Their idea of being adult-like is to take cheap shots at the person they are pissed at. What's particularly striking about these individuals is that they personalize everything that has absolutely nothing to do with them. They need to figure out a way to find their own happiness without trying to insult or belittle others. But they of know of no other way to conduct themselves. In a word, they are immature.

Check out the comments left for me by "anonymous" on my previous post. She is the perfect asshole.

Peter Pan Syndrome

Okay, so I am 41 years old and I have birthday that is fast-approaching. The thought of it makes me ill. You see, I still think of myself as being 25. I don't like this getting older business. I suffer from what I call Peter Pan Syndrome or PPS.

I find that there are many single people like me who still have childish dreams and child-like ways. We act like adults in that we go to work, pay our bills and act fairly responsibly. But we don't wish to get married and settle down. We want to live selfishly. That is something we can't do if we are "tied down". Yes, we are in search of finding a significant other to hang out with. But it pretty much ends there. We don't wish to be married because that would be a real buzz kill.

We like having time on our hands to be self-indulgent and hedonistic. Married people view us as being selfish - and we are. And what is so wrong with that? We don't envy our married friends; we tolerate them and their incredibly dull lives. I think that married people assume that we single people are always looking to get married. Trust me, we are not. I would go so far as to say that we are happier than they are. We are tired of listening to you married folks complaining about your spouse's ways. Honestly, we don't really care. As they say, you made your bed, now lie in it! Stop bringing us down.

We Are Not Perfect. Admit it!!

You know you're at least a tad bit nuts. So just admit it. I know you are somewhat crazy and so do you. I've have no issues with having issues. I have boatloads. I was born with them and have learned to even embrace some them over the years. Being neurotic is normal; pretending to be sane and stable is NOT normal. Or is it? I just don't know. I am nuts. Remember?

I love being around people who can be self-deprecating and not fearful of others seeing their vulnerabilities. We ALL have weaknesses. It fascinates me that some people have such a difficult time in saying things like "I don't know" or "I don't understand". Why is it that we can't simply let others know or see that there are things we just plain suck at. What's the worst thing that can happen? Why are we so afraid to allow ourselves to be seen in an unfavorable light? Why are some people so damn insecure? And what is wrong with feeling insecure?

I have some co-workers who will never say, "Oops! I screwed up". And if my saying that makes others around me feel "superior" in some weird and twisted way, then fine. I'll be the one to take the hit and move on. It just fascinates me that some folks have such a hard time with fessing up their imperfections. I'm drawn to those that can easily speak of their imperfections and flaws. These are the people that I find to be more sane and stable AND more interesting. Plus, I trust them more because they are not trying to hide anything. They are an open book. And I like that. They are also hard to come by.

Can we stop censoring ourselves so much. We make mistakes. We say and do stupid things. We all screw up sometime. We are human. And to hell with those who sit on their high horse and judge us. Why is it that we are we all so darn afraid of failing? What's the worst thing that will happen if someone sees that we are not perfect? Why is it so hard to say "I screwed up". Why are we supposed to walk around and act like we are flawless?

The Tangled Webs We Weave

I can't even believe that this is happening. From the beginning...I thought that I put my Turkish Personals.com profile in "hide" mode only to discover an email from someone responding to my profile which, as it turns out, is still (was) showing. I read the guys profile and thought it was written well enough for me to respond. We emailed each other through the website and it wasn't long before I gave him my yahoo email address with my real name. When I got his email, I nearly passed out because I recognized his unusual Turkish last name. Panicked, I quickly sent him an email with my telephone number and simply said "you need to call me as you as you get this email". And he did.

He was friendly and said that he enjoyed reading my profile and the emailing bit that we did. To be certain that I truly knew who he was, I asked a couple of questions and I got my dreaded answer. He was the brother of my ex-fiance/husband (I'll get to the husband part)! It actually went pretty well over the phone after he got over the initial shock. Then it was like talking to an old friend. He asked how my family was doing, I asked how his family was doing, and it was all nice and innocent - I thought.

After we made the discovery that we already knew each other, I thought that it would pretty much end there. Or maybe we'd have coffee someday down the pike. I was stunned when he asked me out on a date. I know the difference between setting up a casual meeting and setting up a real date. This was definitely a date that he was interested in setting up. I said that it would be too awkward to have a date given our history. He didn't seem to give a crap that his brother and I were not only briefly engaged, we even had a religious ceremony by an Imam to shut everyone in his family up since his brother had moved in with me. So I guess you could even say that I am still his brother's wife until he says "I divorce you" 3 times. At least, I think that's how it goes.

Anyway, I was not all that surprised that this pig wanted to hook up with me because what he didn't know was that I knew about his cheating on his now ex-wife. And so much for family loyalty! I figured that out of respect for his brother he'd say, "hey, nice talking to you and have a good life. Bye". But no, not an issue for him, the slime.

All of this reminded about 2 things: 1) how ridiculous my love life is AND 2) I had forgotten that I was already "married".