Rolling the Dice

Oh, what to do, what to do? I decided to bag the whole Turkish Personals business for awhile since I'm now officially with eHarmony ( you have all seen their commercials of their "success stories" where they show youall of those couples who are dizzy in love, I'm sure). They boast about how they match you up based on their 29 dimensions of compatibility, then they "send" you the matches that they think you are most compatible . I never knew that there were 29 dimensions...did you? You have very little control over your selection in that you are not afforded the opportunity to peruse through a million profiles. In a way, I think I prefer it because I am too damn tired to do it myself. So in away, they do the work for you. Plus, I get to decide on match-by-match basis who can view my picture. And I like that instead of putting myself out there. I am, after all, "Anonymously yours". It's all very new to me and different than Turkish Personals. And I resigned myself to the fact that I am not likely to meet Mr. Turkish-American. It just ain't gonna happen. So far I have come across some quality profiles, if you will. I'm in the beginning stages of meeting/communicating with these folks. Now it really just boils down to chemistry. Needless to say, they have been sending me profiles of men who are either around my age or up to 10 years older. Yup, some of my matches are in there 50's. When I was in my 20's I used to date men who were 10 to 15 years older than me. It was okay back then. But me with someone in their 50's? I never really considered that before but now I am warning up to idea of being paired up with someone who knows who he is and wants out of life. I'm just rolling the dice here.

My Silence Speaks Volumes

I made the decision not to respond to Bulent's email. I know that if I call him or write him, I am likely to tell him off. His email, though seemingly from "the heart", is meaningless to me. The damage was done and I saw enough of his true character to turn me off. What more do I really need to witness? And, based on what he wrote, he already knows that he is an asshole. The apology is worthless. I mentioned in a previous post that I am generally an unforgiving individual. I can hold a grudge forever. This doesn't mean that I won't be polite with people who piss me off. It just means that in the back of mind what keeps playing is what the person has said or done to me that has me disliking them. That reminder never leaves me. I am fully aware that this may not be the healthiest way of living. But it works for me. It's all about self-preservation. I generally try to avoid confrontation. But when put in that position, and once I open my mouth, I can give a person the verbal lashing of a lifetime. And I know this about myself. I am a pressure cooker. Therefore, when I am pissed (I mean really pissed) I actually say nothing at all. I just disconnect and pull the plug immediately. Most people learn this about me over time. Telling people off doesn't make me feel any better. And I find that it is a waste of time. I simply choose to ignore them and let them stew in their own crap. It's just so much more satisfying.

Bulent's Email to Me

I hope all is well with you. I was planning to call you earlier this evening but I could only make it back home from work around 9:35 PM and I did not want to disturb you this late. I do not know if it is going to change anything but I want to appologize for being impolite and late to call last weekend. I know that it might not be an excuse but I really am very busy at work these past few months due to a deadline on July 11th. I left you two voice messages earlier this week. Perhaps I should have expressed myself in a more polite manner. When I asked you to call me back that was not an order. It was a wish. You certainly have no obligation to do so. I did not express it but I felt close to you and made the mistake of addressing you as if we knew each other for a longer time. Thank you for meeting with me last week. Your pictures are good but I think you look prettier in person. We do have many things in common. I was hoping we could give each other more chances to get to know each other a little better. As I said I am somewhat sceptial about meeting people online and corresponding via e-mails. So I thought in our case -since we live within a walking distance- we could minimize that part and take a more real and direct approach. I hope I am mistaken but unfortunately currently this too looks likely to be one of those "easy come easy go" encounters. I could write much more to you with the intention of trying to convince you to write back and/or contact me somehow. However we are both experienced enough to know that it is hard to change things once the feeling is lost. I can talk a lot under certain settings and do give people the credit when I first meet them that they are good people. But I also know that most people are selfish and compromise honesty for personal gain. And that the probabilitiy of finding a compatible "infidel" such as myself for this sort of friendship is quite slim in a world of believers. As I mentioned I did gave up TP a few years ago. Now it's like deja vu all over again. Thanks to your flirt I became a member and now I have two more weeks of membership left. I would like to invite you for a dinner this Friday evening or another day of your choice. I can not read my personal e-mail from work but you have my cell number. Assuming this is what you want -unless I hear from you - I will no longer disturb you again at you home phone. I hope I will hear again from you. But there's also a good probability that you have other things going on for you. If that happens to be your preference I hope it turns out to be the right choice for you. In any case may happiness be with you. Bulent This is the email that Bulent sent me to "explain" himself. Remember, in his vm message he said he was in Manhattan and then had laundry to do which is why he did not call me until very late in the day. What would you do if you were me? Quite frankly, I have no desire to make room in my life for any B.S.

A Change of Venue

Okay, so I have somewhat given up hope that I'll meet Mr. Right on Turkish Personals. I still have my profile up even though it appears that meeting a Turkish-AMERICAN isn't going to be as easy as I thought. We live in America. So, I thought "how hard could it possibly be?". Well, folks, it's hard. Very hard. More than half of those who respond do so in Turkish. I get a headache from just reading their profile since I read Turkish at about the 3rd grade level. So I have decided that ethnicity may not be that important to me after all. I am now on an American online dating service. I have spent just about my entire adult life dating or being in relationships with Americans. And I just "get" them better than I do Turkish men. Maybe I am more American than I am Turkish. Hell, I don't know. At least I understand what they are writing on their profiles. What's more, there is a far larger pool to select from to find someone with whom I would be compatible. Okay, so they don't know what manti is. Should that really matter?

May I Vent?

Oh, what the hell! It is my blog, after all. Bulent has turned out to be a weirdo. Let us go over the time line and events, shall we? Okay, I give the guy my number and his FIRST phone call to me was at 3 p.m on a Tuesday. Now why would make your first phone call to me at a time when you know I'm going to be at work? I thought that to be odd. Nevertheless, when I came home and retrieved his message, I returned the call and we had our first conversation. It went okay. It was left with "I'll call you this weekend and we can make some plans". As a side note, he was aware that I was going to a concert on Saturday night. Wednesday - the very next day - he calls me and says " I'm in your area and was wondering if you want to get together for drinks". He made this call at 8 p.m. and I said ahead of time that I get up to go to work at 5:30 a.m, so it won't be a late night. I meet him for the first time and have a very Mediocre evening. The evening ends with him saying that we should get together again. No concrete plans are made. Whatever. I don't hear from again so on Saturday,before leaving to go to the concert, I call him because I realized that I looked to eager for the evening to end on Wednesday as I kept pushing for the check to arrive. I thought by calling him, he would at least know that I was not DISinterested in him. He answers the phone and says " Oh, I was going to call you". (Yeah, right.) We have a brief conversation and he asks me if I want to get together the next day. He says, "great, I'll call you tomorrow and we will make plans". He says "have a great time at the concert and we will talk tomorrow", and the conversation ends. So Sunday rolls around and truth be told, I was nursing a hangover all day. The thought of taking a shower, getting dressed and going out with him was less than appealing to me given my condition. But I am one to keep my word and was still up for seeing him. Does he call? Yes, AT 8:30 p.m! That's right, the whole day passes by when he decides to ring me up. Ya think he could have called a wee bit earlier? He leaves me a vm message saying "Sorry, I know it's late but I went into Manhattan today and had to do some laundry" Laundry?? WTF? And again says, "I'm in your area if you are up for grabbing a beer" Needless to say, I did not return his call. I'm thinking it's pretty much over with this guy. He doesn't keep his word and refuses to make plans in advance. So tonight he called me and left another message (thank God for caller ID) saying yet again "I'm in your area and if you want have drinks, call me". Is he serious or what!? It's as though he expects me to just be home and be ready to go out with him whenever HE is up to it. Well, that ship has sailed, as they say. I refuse to ever see his sorry Turkish ass again. Thanks for listening.

When Harry Met Sally

When I was out last night with my friend of 20 years (Rob), I told him that Bulent from Turkish Personals said that he felt that it was absolutely impossible for a man and a woman to just be friends. Rob and I both disagree. Rob and I have had a 20 year friendship and at no time were we romantically involved. Rob went on to list all of the female friends that he has and said that there was never any sexual tension with any of them. My situation was a bit different. My male friends had at some point either sent signals showing interest in being more than just friends. And some of my male friends flat out said that wished to take the friendship to the "next level". However, my declining their advances did not end the friendship. I don't know what that says about the gender differences. What ultimately has ended some friendships with men over the years was their new significant others' inability to accept me as their boyfriends female friend. It wasn't my male friend that ended the friendship, it was always their new girlfriend - or worse - their new wife. I believe that men and women can just be friends so long as both are single. Once either gets romantically involved, it becomes the kiss of death for their friendship. I have to admit, even though I myself have male friends in my life, it would bother me to know that the guy I was romantically involved with had close friendship with a woman. I don't know why. But I just know that it would. The only thing that could possibly change that for me is if she turned out be a just as close a friend to me as well. Again, I'm just guessing here.

Racism

It's an ugly thing born out of ignorance. I have been on the receiving end of it by some Greeks and Armenians right here in good old America. Do I hate all Armenians or Greeks because there were a few bad apples in the bunch? No. I like who I like because of their character, not because of their ethnic origin. If you are good to me, chances are I will like you. But that does not seem to be the case for some. So I am going to share this story that makes me sick to my stomach and you can tell me your thoughts. A few years back, I was hired to work for an organization where I was to share an office with an Armenian. When we first met, I had no idea that she was Armenian but, as it would turn out, she knew ahead of time the new hire (me) was a Turk. She knew this because she was told my name before I started working there. (I have a very, very Turkish name). Apparently, when she found out that she was going to be sharing an office with a Turk, she became livid, to say the least. She, like the Armenian propaganda machine, immediately got to work in telling everyone that we would be working with that Turks committed a genocide against Armenians. She basically said that we Turks were barbaric, not to be trusted, were vicious, blah, blah, blah. Needless to say, there were some people at the job that did not receive me all that warmly, initially. I was at a loss - and at a disadvantage. It was not until I learned that she was Armenian that it all began to make sense. Some of my co-workers noticed that she was rather cold towards me and when I asked them what her problem was, one person remarked, "well, it might have something to do with your ancestors killing off her ancestors". I quizzically scratched my head and said "what are you talking about?". Another co-worker fessed up and said that when she learned that the new hire was a Turk, she began telling everyone at work about all of the terrible atrocities that were committed by the Turks against Armenians (and by God, she was pissed). It disgusted her that she would have to be around a Turk. Needless to say, I had to do a whole lot of damage control not only to defend Turks, but to defend myself as well. I went into the history - the real history - between Turks and Armenians. It pissed me off that I was put into that position at the workplace. My focus at my new job should have been the work. But because of this racist pig that I worked with, I had to explain crap to my co-workers that had nothing to do with work. And all I really cared about was the work. But nooo... Here's the kicker: She was fresh out of graduate school whereas I was coming into this position with substantial experience. Where she could not win was that I was the better employee and she knew it. She actually started coming to me with questions about work because she didn't know squat about handling some situations that were second nature to me. And yes, I did help her when she asked for it. And, over time. I gained the respect of those whom she desperately tried to turn against me. She eventually came around herself. About one year later we were having lunch in our office and she stunned me when she blurted out, " ya know, I didn't think that I could ever like because you are a Turk". "Just knowing that they hired you (a Turk) made me go crazy". And I can never forget those racist words.