I recently met and fell in love with someone I met online. His name is Jeff. We began emailing each other, which obviously went well enough to go on a first date. We spoke on the phone for the first time on a Thursday night and it felt like there was a real connection there. We both decided to not go to work on Friday and had our first date. The date started on Friday at 1 p.m. and ended up going until Saturday morning - no, we didn't have sex (that night).
We spent our first date in Hoboken, New Jersey which probably has the most bars per capita in the world. We bounced around from bar to bar and just spent our time laughing and talking. The evening ended at Middle Eastern restaurant which also had a nargile bar. It was an amazing day and night. He left Saturday morning and I met up with again at a bar in New York City on Saturday night. After running around in lower Manhattan, we went back to my place. I am blown away by Jeff. I just love being with him. I knew that there was something special and different about him.
We spent Sunday at my place doing more of the same, just talking and laughing while we played a ton of music. It was great. It was soooo comfortable and easy to be with him. I wasn't self-conscious at all. Nor did I have to wonder what he was thinking or feeling. We were just being ourselves and enjoying each others company.
Jeff came over to my place during the week where we just spent more time getting to know each other. Things are moving along quickly and normally I would say that it's not possible to love someone this fast. I am a cynic by nature. However, Jeff makes me less cynical and more optimistic about the future. He is just a few years younger than me and we seemed to have made a wonderful connection. My hope is that this will last forever. He and I are mature enough to realize that there will come a time when we will both come down off of this "high" we are on. We even look forward to that. I have never fallen for someone like this before and I feel ready to make a committment to him. The best part of all of this is that he cares for me the way that I care for him.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Monday, August 6, 2007
My Confessional for the Week
Okay, I'm just going to fess up and say it: I slept with that Turkish-American guy I met on our 3rd date. And yes, it was a BIG mistake. Not a mistake in that I didn't want for it to happen, not a mistake because I feel any shame, and definitely not a mistake because I did enjoy it. I deeply regret that we slept together too soon. I can't undo what's already been done. If I could turn back the clock, I would have held off.
I'll walk you through it...Things moved really fast between us. We talked and emailed each other everyday and started making plans for things far, far down the road, like New Years Eve. He was even making plan for us to go on a week long vacation this month. That was mistake number one. Never, EVER, talk about the future in that way when you first meet someone. But my experience with Turkish men has always been this way. They immediately stake their claim if they are interested in you or they'll blow you off rather quickly if they are not interested. In that way, it did not seem all that odd to me. American guys just don't talk this way.
THURSDAY: So we were at my place after having dinner together and one thing led to another. And BAM! He changed. It was almost like he was thinking "okay, I had her, now I don't need to pursue her as hard". Was it just my imagination? I wasn't really sure.
FRIDAY: We had plans to have dinner again and perhaps head over to his place. He emailed me at work and said that he was running behind schedule and would be a little later than usual. I had another bad feeling in my gut. But truthfully I was exhausted from the work week, so I cancelled our plans. He called me when he got home from work and our conversation just felt different (in a bad way). So I asked him if he was okay and he simply said that he had a few drinks after work and was just feeling mellow. Whatever...
I woke up on Saturday morning with a really bad feeling again and emailed him saying that I would like for us to just be friends and that we were not a good match for each other. It couldn't have been more brief. He immediately emailed me back and said that he was "surprised" and wish me luck too. End of story, right? Wrong!
That was last weekend and we did not speak or email each other at all. I figured what's done is done and it's time to move on. But last night I forwarded a GROUP email to friends and family and his email address was still hanging around, so he got the email as well. I was surpised this morning by his email to me saying "can a guy and a girl still be friends after they have been intimate?" I wrote him back and said that I meant what I said in my earlier email about us just being friends. The choice was his to make. I thought I was being a mature adult here, wouldn't you say?
He sent me another email saying he was packing for a trip and would contact me this Sunday "to catch up" I already knew he was leaving for this trip as he mentioned it to me when we were still seeing each other. He also wrote in his email that he had purchased a few new things in for his apartment which he wanted me to see.
CAN A GUY AND A GIRL BE "JUST FRIENDS" AFTER THEY HAVE BEEN INITMATE, as he said? More specifically, can a Turkish guy still be friends with a girl after being intimate? I am still friendly with some of my old boyfriends (Americans), and we get along just fine when we run into each other. After all, we are all adults here and none of my relationships (except for my ex-husband) ended in a knock down drag out fight. Those relationships just ended. But I would like to think that he and I can be friends. Maybe I'm naive.
So maybe he'll call, maybe he won't. But if he does, it'll be interesting to see how this one plays out. I've never been in this situation before with a Turkish guy.
Did I mention that he is 9 years younger than me? Maybe he just likes the "older" woman thing, I don't know. Now do you see why I blog anonymously??
I'll walk you through it...Things moved really fast between us. We talked and emailed each other everyday and started making plans for things far, far down the road, like New Years Eve. He was even making plan for us to go on a week long vacation this month. That was mistake number one. Never, EVER, talk about the future in that way when you first meet someone. But my experience with Turkish men has always been this way. They immediately stake their claim if they are interested in you or they'll blow you off rather quickly if they are not interested. In that way, it did not seem all that odd to me. American guys just don't talk this way.
THURSDAY: So we were at my place after having dinner together and one thing led to another. And BAM! He changed. It was almost like he was thinking "okay, I had her, now I don't need to pursue her as hard". Was it just my imagination? I wasn't really sure.
FRIDAY: We had plans to have dinner again and perhaps head over to his place. He emailed me at work and said that he was running behind schedule and would be a little later than usual. I had another bad feeling in my gut. But truthfully I was exhausted from the work week, so I cancelled our plans. He called me when he got home from work and our conversation just felt different (in a bad way). So I asked him if he was okay and he simply said that he had a few drinks after work and was just feeling mellow. Whatever...
I woke up on Saturday morning with a really bad feeling again and emailed him saying that I would like for us to just be friends and that we were not a good match for each other. It couldn't have been more brief. He immediately emailed me back and said that he was "surprised" and wish me luck too. End of story, right? Wrong!
That was last weekend and we did not speak or email each other at all. I figured what's done is done and it's time to move on. But last night I forwarded a GROUP email to friends and family and his email address was still hanging around, so he got the email as well. I was surpised this morning by his email to me saying "can a guy and a girl still be friends after they have been intimate?" I wrote him back and said that I meant what I said in my earlier email about us just being friends. The choice was his to make. I thought I was being a mature adult here, wouldn't you say?
He sent me another email saying he was packing for a trip and would contact me this Sunday "to catch up" I already knew he was leaving for this trip as he mentioned it to me when we were still seeing each other. He also wrote in his email that he had purchased a few new things in for his apartment which he wanted me to see.
CAN A GUY AND A GIRL BE "JUST FRIENDS" AFTER THEY HAVE BEEN INITMATE, as he said? More specifically, can a Turkish guy still be friends with a girl after being intimate? I am still friendly with some of my old boyfriends (Americans), and we get along just fine when we run into each other. After all, we are all adults here and none of my relationships (except for my ex-husband) ended in a knock down drag out fight. Those relationships just ended. But I would like to think that he and I can be friends. Maybe I'm naive.
So maybe he'll call, maybe he won't. But if he does, it'll be interesting to see how this one plays out. I've never been in this situation before with a Turkish guy.
Did I mention that he is 9 years younger than me? Maybe he just likes the "older" woman thing, I don't know. Now do you see why I blog anonymously??
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Back to Reality
Okay, so I just turned 42 years old. That's a grim fact that I can't change. I can't turn back the clock or live in the past. I guess I should appreciate that I'm in good health, have family and friends who care about me, and have a crazy job that I enjoy (on most days). The truth is that I am more comfortable in my own skin more now than I was when I was 22. Oh man, could it be that I am actually maturing?
What's different now is that I act more responsibly (usually), care so much more about the feelings of others (I was totally self-absorbed in my 20's), and I find that I have greater patience these days in almost every aspect of my life.
I don't need a life partner to validate who I am. But I certainly would enjoy the journey in this life of mine more if I could share it with someone whom I feel deeply connected to. That person may never show up in my life and I need to wrap my brain around that. What if I never have what I am looking for? Should my life come to a screeching halt? I can't just lay down and die, especially since there many things in life that I am so passionate about. It's high time that I come to my senses and live each moment and to truly be in the moment. No more of those silly pity parties when there are things in life that are more important than finding the one. It's a new era.
What's different now is that I act more responsibly (usually), care so much more about the feelings of others (I was totally self-absorbed in my 20's), and I find that I have greater patience these days in almost every aspect of my life.
I don't need a life partner to validate who I am. But I certainly would enjoy the journey in this life of mine more if I could share it with someone whom I feel deeply connected to. That person may never show up in my life and I need to wrap my brain around that. What if I never have what I am looking for? Should my life come to a screeching halt? I can't just lay down and die, especially since there many things in life that I am so passionate about. It's high time that I come to my senses and live each moment and to truly be in the moment. No more of those silly pity parties when there are things in life that are more important than finding the one. It's a new era.
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Happy friggin' birthday to me
Remember when you were a kid and how excited you would become about your birthday approaching? I remember when I was 12 I was excited about turning 13 because I would officially become a teenager. I also recall how excited I was about turning 18 because I was about to be an "adult". And, of course, how could I forget about how excited I was when I turned 21 because I could finally drink legally in the United States (however, I was in Turkey on my 21st birthday).
Ah yes, those were the days. But now, getting a year older just depresses the hell out of me. It just reminds me that my youth is over and I am just one year closer to death. Morbid thought, I know. I look around me and think about all of the things I should and shouldn't have done with my life. I feel like the clock is ticking fast and I am simply running out of time to do the things that I wish to do. Time is just moving too fast.
I made the decision not to celebrate my birthday with friends or anyone else because I don't feel like celebrating. Instead, I will probably get 6 pack, a pack of smokes, and wallow in self-pity on this day (and wish this day would pass really fast).
Ah yes, those were the days. But now, getting a year older just depresses the hell out of me. It just reminds me that my youth is over and I am just one year closer to death. Morbid thought, I know. I look around me and think about all of the things I should and shouldn't have done with my life. I feel like the clock is ticking fast and I am simply running out of time to do the things that I wish to do. Time is just moving too fast.
I made the decision not to celebrate my birthday with friends or anyone else because I don't feel like celebrating. Instead, I will probably get 6 pack, a pack of smokes, and wallow in self-pity on this day (and wish this day would pass really fast).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)