Okay, I'm just going to fess up and say it: I slept with that Turkish-American guy I met on our 3rd date. And yes, it was a BIG mistake. Not a mistake in that I didn't want for it to happen, not a mistake because I feel any shame, and definitely not a mistake because I did enjoy it. I deeply regret that we slept together too soon. I can't undo what's already been done. If I could turn back the clock, I would have held off.
I'll walk you through it...Things moved really fast between us. We talked and emailed each other everyday and started making plans for things far, far down the road, like New Years Eve. He was even making plan for us to go on a week long vacation this month. That was mistake number one. Never, EVER, talk about the future in that way when you first meet someone. But my experience with Turkish men has always been this way. They immediately stake their claim if they are interested in you or they'll blow you off rather quickly if they are not interested. In that way, it did not seem all that odd to me. American guys just don't talk this way.
THURSDAY: So we were at my place after having dinner together and one thing led to another. And BAM! He changed. It was almost like he was thinking "okay, I had her, now I don't need to pursue her as hard". Was it just my imagination? I wasn't really sure.
FRIDAY: We had plans to have dinner again and perhaps head over to his place. He emailed me at work and said that he was running behind schedule and would be a little later than usual. I had another bad feeling in my gut. But truthfully I was exhausted from the work week, so I cancelled our plans. He called me when he got home from work and our conversation just felt different (in a bad way). So I asked him if he was okay and he simply said that he had a few drinks after work and was just feeling mellow. Whatever...
I woke up on Saturday morning with a really bad feeling again and emailed him saying that I would like for us to just be friends and that we were not a good match for each other. It couldn't have been more brief. He immediately emailed me back and said that he was "surprised" and wish me luck too. End of story, right? Wrong!
That was last weekend and we did not speak or email each other at all. I figured what's done is done and it's time to move on. But last night I forwarded a GROUP email to friends and family and his email address was still hanging around, so he got the email as well. I was surpised this morning by his email to me saying "can a guy and a girl still be friends after they have been intimate?" I wrote him back and said that I meant what I said in my earlier email about us just being friends. The choice was his to make. I thought I was being a mature adult here, wouldn't you say?
He sent me another email saying he was packing for a trip and would contact me this Sunday "to catch up" I already knew he was leaving for this trip as he mentioned it to me when we were still seeing each other. He also wrote in his email that he had purchased a few new things in for his apartment which he wanted me to see.
CAN A GUY AND A GIRL BE "JUST FRIENDS" AFTER THEY HAVE BEEN INITMATE, as he said? More specifically, can a Turkish guy still be friends with a girl after being intimate? I am still friendly with some of my old boyfriends (Americans), and we get along just fine when we run into each other. After all, we are all adults here and none of my relationships (except for my ex-husband) ended in a knock down drag out fight. Those relationships just ended. But I would like to think that he and I can be friends. Maybe I'm naive.
So maybe he'll call, maybe he won't. But if he does, it'll be interesting to see how this one plays out. I've never been in this situation before with a Turkish guy.
Did I mention that he is 9 years younger than me? Maybe he just likes the "older" woman thing, I don't know. Now do you see why I blog anonymously??
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16 comments:
A very entertaining story.
Before I give you my opinion, I would like to divulge that by nature I am always more realistic than optimistic. My opinion is not meant to be offensive.
Get REAL! Turkish men, no matter how much they love flirting with women of any age, the lady that they finally settle down with will be a young, inexperienced, homely type.
If you are looking for a long-term relationship, a Turkish man who is 9 years your junior is a joke. You may be able to entice him into a friendship if the sex is good, but he will not be there for the long haul.
I think perhaps that you are too much of a romantic and have chosen to overlook the fact that most Turkish men are chauvanistic.
Get rid of him, a frienship will only be intended to flatter his ego.
Ardent, my own mother told me that it wculd never work out with someone who is 9 years younger than me.
I'm not offended by your opinion as you are probably right.
Do you believe that age would matter if he were not Turkish? Just curious.
senin blogunu okumayi cok seviyorum.. guls... uk
For someone who has a lot of opinions, and has all the answers, why do you keep making the same mistake over and over?
Just curious? Treat each 'man' with an open mind, and if you catch yourself that you can't help but generalize and be stereotypical, then why jump into the sack?
Are you trying to prove your theory over and over?
Just some observations . . . other than that, I like how you are cool, and open with your feelings. I admire that!
Honey, been there, done that! This is a classic Turkish man story! Oh, god, I am a full fledged Turkish girl and I have committed the same mistakes, if you are bred in the U.S. or have more of U.S. culture, you can be certain that your ideas will collapse with a Turkish male who is not the "Turkish-American" you thought him to be...No, you cannot be friends with him now, it won't work, and yes, indeed it will only flatter his ego....that damn Turkish male ego should be shit on!
Right you are. We have not been touch with each since that email. Anyway, I have myself a new American boyfriend and it's been just great!
I totally agree with the 'anonymous' who said 'been there done that.'
As for myself, I am an American of Turkish descent possibly looking for a female "bred in the U.S. or have more of U.S. culture," whose ideas will not be conflicting with mine. Any out there?
:)
Hi
We all make mistakes- it's easier for guys to pull up their trousers and move on than us girlies. But then again....Im of the opinion that there are no modern turkish men sadly..Crap happens, move on...
We behind in every asoects in comparison to our European counterparts..
Hi
I made the same mistake last year in the summer but with a British born Turkish Cypriot man. I met him on the TP web site and looking back i realise i was very naive about what to expect. He was 41, tall and devilishy good looking, where as me, just 5.4 and 34 years old. On the evening, I didn't go all the way and soon after what was done, his true colors came out. He treated me like dirt and yet i remember leading up to the point, he was sweet as pie. I knew, i would never see him again as i later found out he was seeing other women at the same time.
Till this day i see him crusiing round in his s*** car and id be thinking "who's next?"
But it's as they say, the men in our culture are too far behind our European counterparts. And as long as we continue to fall for them, we will continue to be hurt over and over. The answer...im still searching for one!
I also have been duped by the prince charming Turkish guy in Philadelphia. He is masterful at reading womens vulnerabilities, feeding on them like a vulture, capturing his prey, playing with their feelings for awhile and the tossing them aside like garbage.
My last time I trusted his fidelity, I checked the trash and I was supposedly his "only" and there were several condom wrappers etc. in the wastebasket in the bathroom. I think he had serious sexual issues with women in terms of needing to be with EVERYONE he could as often as he could until they would get rid of him or he them.
When questioned, they were always the "crazy ones"! Ha can you imagine? Anyway, Turkish men are attached to mommies apron strings and unless she approves you, you are gone. Also, my experience is as long as you have something to offer up they are as nice as can be. When you are no longer useful, they can be very nasty and mean.
Be careful ladies.
What to do.... So I work in a coffee shop and for the past 2-3 months these two turkish men come in and ask a co-worker and I out to dinner. They are charming and attractive and I find myself becoming interested in seeing one of them. I am not a "social" dater, and am not interested in dating for sport I take it seriously so am I wasting my time considering this?
I fell for a Turkish man, in fact, I'm still in love with him even though I know what they are like and have been spending the last two months trying to pick up the pieces. Stay away from them no matter how sweet and charming they are, they are all the same.
Only one Turkish man in a million turns out to be a real gem. I don't care for those odds.
I dated a Turkish guy for four years, off and on. He went behind my back and cheated on my with my friend. They broke off, partly also because this bitch seduced him. And then after 4 years of being together, when the marriage issue came up, he just does not want to get married! He has the "grass is always greener on the other side" mentality. He always thinks he can easily get a much better woman. By the way, he also has a fondness for women a few years older than he is. And he always calls his ex-girlfriends "crazy". In actuality, when he says this, it really means he treated them so bad that they got really ballistic. Of course, not all Turkish men are like that. It's just that I see a common thread being posted in these comments which I found true in my own experience.
Wow! Celeste, I am really sorry to hear about your experience. Hang in there...Mr. Right is sure to come along. Just enjoy your life.
Thanks a lot, Anonymously Yours! By the way, a warning for women in the Raleigh-Durham area...this Turkish guy I was talking about haunts the Raleigh downtown bars every weekend. He is 40 years old. His mind is like a Turkish newspaper = 70% of its content is about women, mostly blond. Beware of him! He goes by the name of Kadir.
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