As a rule, I have I always been pretty quick to write people off when they piss me off. I just can't help it. My relationships with co-workers, family, boyfriends, neighbors - you name it - piss me off and they are dead to me. I realize at this age that it is a highly immature approach to life and relationships, but I continue to do it anyway.
I don't know if it's because I am Turkish or because "you can't take the girl outta Brooklyn". I don't tolerate those who lie to me or betray me. There are no second chances. Once I see what I see that doesn't go over well with me, I bolt and never look back. My parents are this way as well. Is it genetic? Is it learned behavior? I don't know. But the strange thing is that I sometimes have a high tolerance for crap thrown my way. I allow some people to test me and test me until I lose it. And then it is OVER.
The question is, "can I change?" or, rather, "should I change?". I am still good friends with people from way back when, but it's difficult for me to establish close relationships with anyone these days. I am not a very trusting person by nature. I'm sure that this plays into all of this. I simply don't have patience to deal with any one's bullshit. Soooo, I may not come right out and tell people to go screw themselves, but my actions clearly say "you suck, get away from me".
Here's an example: I have a cousin with 2 small kids. Every time she would call me she just start talking to her kids as if I weren't on the phone with her. And, it was always petty and stupid shit. It was as though the kids were in harms way or was something important. I got sick and tired of her rude behavior and wrote her off because talking to her became a painfully boring and annoying experience to me. This went on for months before I decided that enough was enough. I emailed her and told that I didn't want to speak with her anymore and she knew exactly why. She semi-apologized by saying "I'm sorry YOU feel this way" - NOT "sorry for my being rude to you every single freaking time I talk to you". She took no ownership for HER actions.
How many chance should we give people to treat us the right way? Should we confront people every time they piss us of or should we just cut them off?
4 comments:
Hey kid I know just how you feel. I have this cousin who lives in New Jersey who happens to be an amazing person but is very immature. Very immature, I mean like a whole lot, not a little immature mind you but obese on the immaturity scale. Man does she have a bad temper, no way would i mess with her. For crying out loud the chick has a loaded gun in her purse and is rumored to be card carrying member of the notorious street gang the Bloods. Scary shit huh?
Why the anger and mistrust? There must be a reason right.
Perhaps people are like works of art, and if art is the byproduct of an artist creativity, maybe her creators lacked imagination. Maybe she's a poem written in anger by an author who does not have a broad vocabulary. Maybe life has been cruel to her and she needs to guard herself from more tears.
The gun is beginning to make sense, at least to me.
Change in you what you don't like in someone else, but accept that someone for who they are.
If you were my friend, I would want you to forgive me as I would forgive you. Unless of course the pain suffered was irreversible.
I adore my cousin, gun and all.
Did I tell you that she's blind and suffers from brain damage.
My "fuck Amenians" friend:
First, I gotta admit that your cousin scrares me just a bit.
Second, you write "why the anger and mistrust"? Good question. I don't know why and it's something that I think a lot of people need to work in this world. I guess we have all been screwed over at some point and that hardens us, and maybe even makes us a bit bitter. So maybe we figure "I'll cut them off before they do us wrong - again". Maybe...
But your're right...We'd all like to be forgiven for our screw ups. So maybe I need to re-think my own behavior towards other (some people)
Confront them in their misery!
Stumbeled again on your blog after 1 year of absence..))
Still a direct and honest style; very well appreciated. Hope you are doing fine.
Kindest
Hans in Istanbul
Is that really a reason to cut your relative off? i thnk you need to stop being so harsh. When you decide to cut people of it;s because they have offended you in a way taht is nto forgiveable- not for the reaosns you have outlined. Life is too short to be that way inclined especially towards your family. We can't choose our fmaily but we can choose our friends. You need relax and learn to let things go over your head especailly when they are so petty- i do not mean to belittle your feelings.
Hope you can work things out.
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