Men, Sex and Relationships

My sense is that most men seek out relationships for one reason and one reason only: sex. If they were getting sex regularly without being in a relationship, they would never look to be in a real relationship (men: feel free to weigh-in here). There is little doubt in my mind that this is the case. I think that monogamy is unnatural for men. If you asked a man "if you were getting it from multiple partners, would seek out a relationship?", the answer would invariably be "hell no!". I mean, who are we kidding here? Sex is what drives men in selecting a partner(s). Am I wrong? When/if a man finally decides to settle down and get married, the first thing they consider is this: Is this someone I would enjoy sleeping with for the rest of my life?

Ladies, let's not kid ourselves here, to some extent we do it too. But it's different for us. We look at the whole package. We consider his personality, character, appearance, brains, ambition, earning potential, etc... Sex with the guy does not rank first on our list as it does with most men when they seek out a partner. It's amzes me that we ever wind up in relationships at all given that our agendas are so different.

Another One Bites the Dust

So I never did go out with the Pakistani. Instead, I went out a Turkish guy from Turkish Personals. We spent last Saturday and Sunday together and it's over already. There was just something that didn't feel right about it. The only thing I was able to do was to email him and say that we are not a good match for each other. Simple. Done and over with. Why drag out something that just doesn't feel right? These days I actually prefer concentrating on work than on dating. As crazy as my job is, I at least get some satisfaction out it, unlike this dating B.S. It's a crazy world and sometimes I feel as though I'm not in harmony with it. There is only so much disappointment that a gal can take!

Lunch Date

I was off from work yesterday and had my first eHarmony lunch date. Now let me start by saying that this guy writes on his profile that he looks younger than his stated age (47). When he and I first met, I knew immediately that there was no physical attraction. And he does look his age. There was no chemistry whatsoever but I figured he only had an hour for lunch and and I can certainly manage to get through that. We spent time talking about healthy eating which I know very little about. It felt awkward for me because I tried very hard not to show the boredom I was experiencing. The conversation just seemed to get more and more boring until we started talking about music, which I love. Even so, I knew deep in my heart that this nice guy sitting across from me was not going to see me again. After an hour went by, I said "Gosh, look at that, it's been an hour and 15 minutes, you should be getting back to your office". He said, "oh, it's okay we can take our time". Yeah, I realized that I would have to somehow bring this thing to an end on my own. So 45 more minutes passed and I said, "I really think we should leave now" and as I started to get up, he followed my lead. It's easy to end a fun date. But how do you end it when you know you don't want to have contact with the person ever again? As we began walking, he said he had a nice time and wanted to get together again. I didn't want to hurt his feelings and simply said, "yeah". We had an awkward embrace and we parted ways. I came home to a nicely written email from him thanking me for meeting him for lunch. Now what do I do? What do I write back? Should I write back? Help! I decided to just say thank you back and that I, too, had a nice time. I kind of knew there was no chemistry with him over the phone when we were planning to meet, but I wanted to keep an open mind. In hindsight, I should have just trusted my instincts. Now tonight I will be going out with my Pakistani. He, unlike my lunch date, was very funny on the phone, and I am looking forward to meeting him this evening. It's not a time limited lunch date so I hope like hell we get along pretty well.

Let the Games Begin

So I've been emailing a couple of guys on this online dating service that I have been talking about. Unfortunately (or fortunately) you are supposed to give your real first name, and I came across a profile of a guy that I liked but his name was one of those names that could easily be Turkish or Arabic. Because of that, I "closed" that match immediately because I'm not interested in meeting any Turkish men at this time. I already tried out that gig, remember? Anyway, this guy emailed me saying that he felt that we may have some things in common and that he was interested in getting to know me. So I un-closed the match and we began our communication. It turns out that he has a pretty good sense of humor and is also easy on the eyes. What was interesting was that he was hesitant in telling me his ethnic origin. I asked point blank in one of my emails, but he blew it off. So I waited for a couple of emails to go by and he told me that he was not Turkish. What a relief! ( I couldn't stand the thought of being stood up again by a guy who got distracted and had to do his laundry when he was supposed to be out with me.) So what is he? He said he was a Pakistani mutt, and a good looking one at that. We made plans to go out for drinks next week. He lives in NYC which is very convenient. Strangely, I am actually really looking forward to meeting him in person. The down side here is that he is a physician. Let me explain. I have the utmost respect for doctors but rarely are they down-to-earth and fun to be around (minus the docs who are related to me, of course). But I guess I will soon find out how it's gonna go. In the mean time, I am still getting to know a couple of other people but I am in the early stages of this "guided communication" we are forced to go through on this site before being able to freely email each other. We shall see!

Rolling the Dice

Oh, what to do, what to do? I decided to bag the whole Turkish Personals business for awhile since I'm now officially with eHarmony ( you have all seen their commercials of their "success stories" where they show youall of those couples who are dizzy in love, I'm sure). They boast about how they match you up based on their 29 dimensions of compatibility, then they "send" you the matches that they think you are most compatible . I never knew that there were 29 dimensions...did you? You have very little control over your selection in that you are not afforded the opportunity to peruse through a million profiles. In a way, I think I prefer it because I am too damn tired to do it myself. So in away, they do the work for you. Plus, I get to decide on match-by-match basis who can view my picture. And I like that instead of putting myself out there. I am, after all, "Anonymously yours". It's all very new to me and different than Turkish Personals. And I resigned myself to the fact that I am not likely to meet Mr. Turkish-American. It just ain't gonna happen. So far I have come across some quality profiles, if you will. I'm in the beginning stages of meeting/communicating with these folks. Now it really just boils down to chemistry. Needless to say, they have been sending me profiles of men who are either around my age or up to 10 years older. Yup, some of my matches are in there 50's. When I was in my 20's I used to date men who were 10 to 15 years older than me. It was okay back then. But me with someone in their 50's? I never really considered that before but now I am warning up to idea of being paired up with someone who knows who he is and wants out of life. I'm just rolling the dice here.