As many of you already know, I have been in a relationship with someone I really care for. It's been almost 3 months and we are still getting to know each other. When people are in the process of getting to know each other in a romantic relationships, we have a tendency to ask questions about the other persons past. It's a dangerous territory to get into because you never really know how the other person is going to react to what you have to say. You also don't know how you are going to react to what they have to say.
So just how honest should we be about our past relationships? Should we even dare to talk about them? I personally had some relationships that ended acrimoniously and I would prefer not to talk about those disastrous relationships. Jeff (my boyfriend) had asked me about my ex-husband (a real asshole) and I don't really see the point in talking about him or anyone else I have had a relationship with. But naturally, when he asks me about my ex-boyfriends, I then ask about his ex-girlfriends and all it does is get on my nerves to hear about how beautiful, smart or funny some of them are.
Before you know it, you start to compare yourself to all the people they have dated. I start to make myself insecure by making those comparisons. Am I as pretty, smart or funny as the people he used to be with? What are my deficiencies? Am I adequate, average or better than those other women? It goes on and on in my head. So long as these other people don't come up in conversation, I am okay. But when they do...oh, how pathetic I become!
Maybe because it's early in the relationship that I don't feel completely secure with what we have. I will admit that he has said that he never felt quite as connected to any of them as he does with me. But still, I wonder. Is honesty about our past really the best policy??
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I moved to rural West Virginia several months ago (for work). Since there is no way meeting people outside work, joined eharmony a month ago. One hang-out so far. Not sure about American guys, havent dated one before; have bitter experience with Turkish from Turkey guys; and havent met any turkish from Europe in the USA so far. Shall i try turkish personals? I read you had bad experience there, but how to find someone normal?
H.O.
PS most me around here are religious christians so not sure how will they react to my turkish non-religiousness?
Dear H.O.,
You have nothing to lose by going on Turkish persoanls but I met a lot of freaks there, truth be told. So, give it a try anyway - what the heck, at least you will have interesting stories to tell!!
Let me know how it goes and good luck!
Hi
How honest should you be? well i think when you have sussed out the guy only then can you tell if you should keep some thing reserved or reveal all. This of course also depends on what was confesed and therefore the reaction you get.
Sadly if it's about past sexual partners, not all men can handle the fact that women are just as able as they are in that department.
I met a fella from TP, thinking he was as broad minded as me, after we did the deed he looked at me in disgust when past relationships were shared. So trust your instinct...
I believe in the "don't ask, don't tell" way of dealing with this crap...until I find another way!!
I believe in the "don't ask, don't tell" way of dealing with this crap...until I find another way!!
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