Memorial Day has come and passed. I managed to get away for the long weekend by flying off to Florida for a whole 48 hours. It was time, money and energy that was well spent, albeit a short trip. It was better than being couped up in my little apartment for 3 days where I would have spent too much of my time doing some thinking followed by some more senseless thinking.
One of the advantages of being single is that you do whatever you want, whenever you want. But the trade-off is that you have too much time on your hands. Well, at least that's true for me. And that is a bad thing.
I got to wondering if I was "getting away" for the weekend or if I was running away - from myself. I started entertaining the thought of being in a real relationship again and wearing my heart on m sleeve. It's a terrifying thought for me because I made some poor choices in men in my past. It's that fear that I know that I need to get over. I feel ready, however, to be in a relationship where there is give and take, and is healthy.
Life can't go on this way I, I have realized. It's so much nicer to share our experiences with the ones we love and care for. I am not the risk-taker I once was which is what is getting in the way of my being in a fulfilling romantic relationship. It's nothing more than fear which causes my paralysis resulting in my inability to take that leap and and jump in with both feet into a relationship.
Some people say that single people are just plain selfish. Maybe that is true to some degree. But what about those of us who would like to be a part of something greater than ourselves but are having difficulty in finding it? The difficulty for me goes back to my fear. I don't have complete confidence that I will invest my time and energy with the right person, so I remain alone. Again, that has been my choice so I can't bitch about it. Well, I suppose I can but what good would that do?
I would really like my next "get away" to be with someone that I care for and am compatible with. I know that I can't just keep running away from myself. It just doesn't work nor does my casual dating. I feel the emptiness.
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7 comments:
We all make 'poor' choices sometimes. But they all help en-rich-en our lives for the better.
Go Anonymous!
cheer your blog up with pictures...
and make your self happy, be proud about the fact that you can talk so freely about your qualms, and think about the fact that the Chines symbol of Crisis, stand for Chance!
Next time to South Beach, and take a two day cruise..))
Metin, I agree that ALL relantionships - both good and bad - enrichen our lives. I'm stick licking a few wounds right now but will get back in the game. What's our alternative, after all?
Hans, I'd cheer up this blog of mine if I knew how to! I can barely email properly. Computers are still foreign to me.
And you bet that South Beach is still on mind!
"But what about those of us who would like to be a part of something greater than ourselves but are having difficulty in finding it?" ....
What if there is nothing greater than ourselves? Greatness does not come in pairs; otherwise married people would be the happiest of them all....
Oh man, you're really bringing me down, Infidel!
Can't a girl dream that that special someone exists somewhere out there? Okay, I realize that I may be deluding myself, but it's all I've got!
Wouldn't it be funny if you wound up in a relationship before me!?
You're right, I have brought you down enough. Sorry for that. For what it's worth, my day does not go as well if I don't disagree with you... ;)
So it would be safe to say that your day is going well!
I aim to please and if you're happy, I'm happy.
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