Restless Heart?

I prayed that I would not come home to a voicemail message from that job I interviewed for asking me to join their organization. It's an odd wish, I know. I don't want to be in a position to choose between a job that I generally like in exchange for new bosses elsewhere (that I may or may not like). Am I having separation anxiety - again? Is it better to deal with devil (and I do mean devil) you know, as they say? Do I have issues with authority? Is it me!? Well, is it?? My neuroses is in full throttle, as usual.

I have grown an unhealthy attachment to this place where I work. My neuroses (yes, that's plural) is so compatible with the crazies that I work with. They vibe me and I vibe them. It's just like the dysfunctional family I grew up in. I seek approval from some of my co-workers for no good reason. There are others that I loathe and expect to clash with just as I would with my own family. There are others that I am deperately still trying to figure out. And then there are those whom I could not care any less about. And, of course, I get my daily dose of drama. Yup, it's a lot like my family. But in the end, isn't "family" supposed to stick together, regardless of how screwed up they may be?

I sincerely think that we re-create all of our childhood dramas and traumas in our adult life long after we have left the nest. The workplace is just one of them. We live out the same crap in our relationships with our friends, lovers, neighbors...you name it, over and over again. So if I choose to move onto a new position elsewhere, things are likely to remain the same since I am the common denominator in all of my life experiences. (By the way, to you who is reading this, the same applies to you.) Being at this crossroad, I have had to take a long, hard and difficult look at myself and ask "how much of what bothers me is because of me?. It's so easy to just cut and run when the going gets tough. But is the grass really any greener somewhere else??