Solitude vs. Isolation

Once upon a time there was more drama in my personal life than I could possibly handle. Within a short span of time I got divorced, moved, started a new job, loved ones died, etc... And all of this overlapped. I thought that I was never going to be able to come for some air. There was always something stressful going on. But these days have been relatively quiet and I'm thankful for that. I wouldn't turn back the clock for anything unless there were a rewind button where I would be able to change somethings. There's no going back, however.

Now I live my life pretty much in solitude and that is by choice. I have successfully managed to do some house cleaning and gotten rid of the people in my life who caused me undue stress. I enjoy living alone and coming home to a quiet and serene apartment. I love the tranquility. It helps me feel centered in some strange way.

But there is a fine line between solitude and isolation. Solitude is healthy but Isolation is dangerous. I'm finding out that we need some stress in our lives. And by that, I don't mean some kind of drama; just some sort of activity. Although single life has plenty of advantages, it has been said that single people are more likely to get sick, be sick for longer periods of time and yes, die earlier than their married counterparts. This has been attributed to the lack of a support system for those who are single. I tend to believe this to be true.

I'm at a difficult place because I don't care to socialize with others all that much yet I still have a need for some social interaction. However, that would mean that I have to form relationships and for some unknown reason, the thought of that tires me. Where does that leave me?

I literally live just a couple of minutes outside of NYC where there is so much going on, and I feel as though that with each passing day life is passing me by. I rationalize my reclusive lifestyle by saying that I really just need to be alone. Or am I alienating myself from this world that has thrown me one curve ball too many? Is it solitude that I seek? Or have merely isolated myself from this big, bad world? One of these days I'll get back in the game and take my chances and risk being hurt and disappointed by others. But it's not going to be today. Maybe tomorrow?? Who knows!? The isolation is now definitely getting to me. Am I really ready to jump back into life with both feet. Somethings gotta give here. My life can't simply be about my work. God, that's a depressing thought.