It's no secret that that I have had my crappy bouts with depression over the past decade. That now seems to be under control with the help of a great anti-depressant. But I thought that I had moved past the panic attacks that used to accompany the depression. That is, up until yesterday. I was in my office and on my computer when BAM! I had my first panic attack in about a year. I never know when or if they are going to creep up on me , so I always carry around my emergency "chill pills". And thank goodness that I was in my office and able to reach for it when it hit me hard and fast.
Panic attacks are nothing like anxiety attacks (which I'm sure most of you have experienced at some point in your life). Anxiety attacks have a gradual onset and most of the time you know when and why they are coming on. Panic attacks come out of nowhere and they make you want to jump out of your skin. It's difficult to breath which leaves you feeling dizzy. You feel like you are going to pass out or die. My hands became numb. You have the urge to run but are left feeling paralyzed. They are terrifying, to say the least.
Within about 10 minutes or so, I felt the chill pill kicking in. This happened in the morning when I first go into work. Needless to say, I was the most relaxed employee in the organization that I work for. Nothing that took place at work had this Turkish girl feeling stressed!
My commute home was a breeze as well. I take the train to work and usually feel somewhat claustrophobic on it. When the train is packed, I sometimes would feel as though the crowded train is going to throw me into another panic attack, but just knowing that I have these meds makes me less anxious. For those of you who don't take commuter trains, I'm here to tell you that they stop in the middle of the tunnel from time-to-time. And it's hard to know when it's going start moving again. Not a good thing for those of us who suffer from panic attacks.
Because of yesterday's panic attack, I started to wonder if they are coming back or if this was just an isolated incident. They scare the shit out of me. Unless you have ever had one, you can't know how God awful they are. I can totally relate to Tony Soprano.
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3 comments:
I have asthma attacks. I've had them ever since the tender age of 16. They terrify me each and every time. The worst attack that I did have though is when I was at work one day and I swallowed something wrong. The first thing that came to my mind was my breathing. I thought I was choking. This brought on a panic attack which enduced an asthma attack. The company doctor thought that I was about to die and was even more stressed than me. I woke up in hospital and was so angry at myself. I should've stayed calm when I swallowed the wrong way, it wouldn't have blown so much out of proportion.
I'm one of those who think they can control everything related to their own body, including panic attacks.
Gecmis olsun :)
Gecmis olsun to you too. It's scary feeling to find yourself unable to breathe. I can just imagine what it must be like to have asthma attack - frightening.
How long do you plan on staying anon? :) We should chat.
Email me at idil @ angelvox . org if you're up for it.
Idil
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