What Vanity!

The last cigarette I had was Tuesday night at 7 p.m. I remember that last cigarette well and I'm missing having one right now. I'm still experiencing the withdrawl symtoms which has me feeling great compassion for every drug addict trying to "kick their habit".

It should come as no surprise that the first cigarette I had was when I went to Turkey at the age of 19, Everybody - and I do mean eveybody - was smoking. I could not go anywhere in Turkey where at least more than half the people had a cigarette hanging out of their mouth. It became a situation where I thought if you can't beat 'em, join them. I also thought it would be a fine way to stay thin in that smoking would supress my appetite (remember, I was only 19). So my real reason for picking up the habit was out of vanity. It was not long before I became a full-time smoker.

Now 20 years later I'm trying to quit smoking for the same reason I started - vanity. I don't want to age prematurely and all of you already know that I am obssessed with staying and looking young. It's well documented that smoking causes wrinkles and I am determined to fight the aging process as much as I possibly can. That's what motivates me to stay off of cigarettes when I feel a weak moment coming on. Yes, I am aware that smoking causes everything from cancer to heart disease, and one would think that that should be enough reason for me to quit. But again, I can't see the damage being done to my heart or lungs, but I can see the harmful effects it can have on my face.

How would I be able to quit smoking? I needed to devise a strategy. So I asked myself the obvious question: When is it that I am not smoking? Sadly, the answer was that I don't smoke when I am at work or sleeping. Now I find myself going to bed at 8 p.m. just to not give in to my craving to have a smoke. They say that it takes 3 weeks to drop a habit, and that the highest rate of relapse is during those 3 weeks. I try to keep that in mind (along with the wrinkling) and keep telling myself that I am tougher than the addiction. But am I?

I guess in the end it doesn't really matter why I quit smoking. I'll tell you this much, I won't be going to Turkey until I'm 100% confident that I can resist having a cigarette.